I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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