Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
