but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You took a bar mat shot.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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