Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
