i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
