i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
