you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
