I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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