So drunk its hurt
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
