I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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