Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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