at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
