I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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