So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
