Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
