Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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