We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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