It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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