Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
