I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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