Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
