I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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