I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
