They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
