I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
