She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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