he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
