I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
