there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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