someone threw a dead crab at me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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