you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
