We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
