I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
