it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
