she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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