I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
