ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
