Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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