Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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