I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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