I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
