What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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