Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
