giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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