i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
