oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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