I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
