i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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