some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like eating out sand paper
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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