I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
