Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
