I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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