Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
