I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
