some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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