you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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