you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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