ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
