Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
