all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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