i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
