I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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