It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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