she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
