I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
