my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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