Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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