It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
