He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
