You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
