I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
