Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
