Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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