it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
