when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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