i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
