Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
