Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
