I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
