drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
