well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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