u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
