Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
