I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
