I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
