I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
